How To Talk To your Partner About Joint Goals

​It’s 2019 and many families have made goals to achieve in the New Year.  Achieving goals is an incredible feeling of excitement and accomplishment.  You can set family vacation goals, fitness goals, saving goals, intimacy goals; there are so many types of fun and important goals and dreams that ought to be written down on paper and discussed.  Taking your minds off of the problems in the relationship and putting them onto solutions or a small goal is a great way to start the New Year off with a sense of togetherness.  By digging into some of the key areas of life and asking some great questions in conversation is a great way to begin forming new goals that you two can achieve together based on values.  
 
Values are the building blocks to creating a healthier life together with your partner.  Discovering what values you have in common will help you feel more accomplished as you move forward with your life and relationship goals in 2019.  Being aware of and understanding your values are what drives a person to invest enough time and energy to build toward a desired result.  Without knowing your own values and the values of your partner, you may find that it is difficult to achieve anything and forward progress may be slow. 
 
Begin by bringing up key areas of life: Work, Money, Living Environment, Personal Growth, Health and Fitness, Community, Family, and Spiritual.  Focus on one topic at a time and ask the questions: What makes you satisfied or dissatisfied with ___(topic)___?  What is most important to you about your ___(topic)___?  Can you give me a specific example of ___(their answer)___?  What is the higher purpose of ___(their answer)___?  Simply by asking a few key questions regarding the areas of life you want to formulate a goal for will solicit the values for which your partner deeply cares.
 
Next, focus on a goal where you find overlap, keep it simple, and add fun rewards.  Where you and your partner both agree and value the goal equally, acknowledge your unity and decide if that will be your 2019 goal.  Simplifying and keeping it simple is a great way to have fun with achieving goals together.  Many people have used the S.M.A.R.T. goal formula to create a clear and concise goal statement to keep their progress focused.  S – Make sure it is Specific, M – Make sure it is Measurable and ecological (meaning fitting closely with your lifestyle and values), A – Make sure it is Achievable, R – Make Sure it is Results-Based. T – Make sure it is Time-Specific.  Once you get your goal clearly stated.  Build in some rewards for when you hit little benchmarks along the way.  A movie night, a fondue desert, or treatments at the spa are common rewards, but the rewards are entirely up to you.  Keep the goal clear in your mind, make it fun, and reward the teamwork along the way.
 
Remember to keep the goal focused on togetherness.  Sometimes, couples will make it about achieving the goal while forgetting about the hard work it takes to build something with their significant other.  You may come into conflict with your partner’s work style, communication style, or you may find that the value you once solicited is lost in the action.  Continue to bring back to your awareness the united vision, the shared values, and goal statement.  Keep the goal as your guidepost to unite your hearts and enjoy the process of achieving something together.
 
Relationships that have lasting love and satisfaction generally have two people who enjoy doing similar activities together.  They may feel satisfied working together to provide a service or accomplishing something greater than themselves.  Striking up a conversation about goals with your partner can be an exciting talk.  Remember that soliciting your own values and the values of your partner is essential to creating a goal that inspires and keeps the focus forward.  Create a clear statement, build in rewards, make it about what you can achieve together and get ready to make 2019 your best year.